By Kanksha Raina

Being a nurse is exactly as hard as it sounds. While there are moments of joy around saving lives, there certainly are raw moments when one has to face the ugliness of human nature. So when a user asked, "Maternity ward nurses : What is the worst case of "you shouldn't be a parent" you have seen?" the answers shook me to the point of no return. Here are some cases that I can't stop thinking about:

Disclaimer: These responses contain descriptions of sexual assault, drug abuse and other sensitive content. Reader discretion is strongly advised.

1. "My work took me to a perinatal mental health unit. There was a new mum who was an in-patient there, had the baby a week or two back, she had postpartum psychosis and was currently catatonic. Her husband had asked a member of staff when they could start trying for their second baby. Wtf is wrong with his priorities? He shouldn't be a parent. Or a husband."

— TeamOfPups

"I knew someone who did a post doc study on her case. It was maybe 10 years after she was placed in the mental health unit.

Apparently, they could medicate her out of her psychosis, but when they did, she understood exactly what she'd done and started spiraling down again. I really hope it's gotten better for her because getting caught in that cycle sounds hellish." — PomeloPepper

2. "On my nursing L&D clinical I was able to spend a shift in the NICU. One of the babies was the mother's fifth child; he was born addicted to meth and was positive for syphilis. The other four children are wards of the state. It made me so incredibly sad and mad for this baby."

— ThatKaleidoscope8736

3. "I was a student nurse shadowing a community health visitor. Visited a pregnant woman who hadn't found out the gender of the baby yet. She (for some reason) told us that her boyfriend (father of the baby) had been previously convicted of sexual assault against a child under 13. The mother said it so casually, and was angry that people kept judging him for a "mistake" he made. The health visitor was horrified, and asked if she wasn't worried he would hurt her sons (two boys under ten from a previous relationship). She just said, "IOf course not, they're boys!", basically admitting this man did something to a young girl. So health visitor asked, "what if the baby you're having now is a girl?". This woman literally shrugged and said, "Then I'll abort it and we'll try again until we get a boy".

"She said it so casually, like she was talking about the weather.I've never been more disgusting with a human, and I hope that the children are safe." — AwkwardLittleMush

4. "I provided an abortion for an 11-year-old girl who had been assaulted by a non immediate family member (uncle, I think); her dad brought her for her procedure and held her hand while we sedated her and he held her and cried silently the whole time. She brought her teddy bear with her and she was so fucking brave. I wish she didn't have to be. That was one of several similar cases I've seen and can never forget."

— tacosnacc

5. "I was on a L&D unit as a student nurse. We had a young mother in who had just given birth to her second child. The mother refused to stop smoking marijuana for her whole pregnancy as she didn't feel that there was enough evidence to say that it was harmful to the baby (her child was born early, underweight and with other illnesses that will follow them through life). She couldn't go more than two hours without going outside to smoke a joint, even if that meant leaving the baby alone in the room (refused to tell nursing staff when she was stepping out), or with her young cousin who did not know how to hold a baby, and almost let the baby aspirate on its own vomit. We had to increase her room checks to every 20 minutes out of fear for the infant's safety. The cherry on top is that while all this was going on, her first child was down the hall on the pediatric unit for juvenile diabetes management."

"She had already chosen to let her first kid stay full time with his father as she didn't feel like she could care for him until she 'got her s**t together'. She didn't visit her son, not even once even though he was maybe 30 feet away. There are far, far worse cases out there to be sure. I just can't help but wonder how both of those kids are now." — 2Shoes_99

6. "Not a medical professional, but my folks own a group home that specializes in caring for medically complex young children who require 24-hour nurse care. Most of their kids have been wards of the state. One case that stands out to me is a woman who apparently drank bleach regularly throughout her pregnancy hoping her kid would turn out blonde. Ruined the baby’s brain and caused a lot of other serious medical issues."

— CurvyCarrots

7. "My top two: An alcoholic mom who continually drank so much through the pregnancy that her baby had no nasal bone (and would be born with a host of other cognitive and physical complications), brought in by ambulance for preterm labor, with a huge takeout iced tea in hand with so much rum in it, I could smell it. Or the mom who came in, again by EMS, and screamed her baby out while high as a kite on crack. She was like a caged wild animal. Trauma and addiction are such absolute black holes to some people, that they just can’t get out of and suck in everything around them, including their children."

8. "Well, I was a CPS social worker, but this story took place in a maternity ward. An addict mother had stayed off heroin for a few days because she was scared of testing positive while birthing her baby. Gave birth, baby's father/boyfriend snuck some heroin in to her while still in the hospital, she nodded off and dropped the newborn out of her arms and onto the floor. Thankfully the little girl was OK in the end. A little bruised and some withdrawal symptoms, as well as small for her age, but I kept track of her until she was six or seven and she was thriving. Her parents refused rehab or doing anything, so she was adopted very early by a great family."

— HealthySchedule2641

9. "Woman came in and gave birth to her ninth child. All other children already in care. Awaiting the meeting with social services etc., she decides to leave the baby unattended so she can go and smoke a joint with her new boyfriend (not the father). Didn’t tell any staff that she was leaving, and they only realized he was alone when they went in to check why he was crying and if the mum needed assistance. She was obviously not there, so security was called. They found her outside getting high and she had the audacity to tell the staff that they were ‘making a fuss’ and should have just left the baby to cry."

— CapFriendly5546

10. "Paramedic here. I used to occasionally do inter-facility transports with a NICU team (nurse practitioner, RN, and myself in the back—though they do most then heavy lifting) and [I saw] so many opioid addicted newborns. I remember the first time I had to calculate a fentanyl drip for a 6lb baby so he didn't go into withdrawal. Can't get clean for the pregnancy, but also refuse to do anything to prevent pregnancy. It's heartbreaking."

— Aderyn_Sly

11. "When I was in nursing school a 11 year old girl delivered a 9 pound baby, this was before epidurals, she had no idea how she got pregnant, the boys used to “play doctor with her”."

— Impressive_Age1362

12. "My worst one was a consultation with a woman who had her daughters taken away because their dad (biological) was sexually abusing them. She had seven or eight kids and was pregnant again. There were so many issues—housing wasn’t good enough because of mold, small house, both were doing drugs and drinking. No family support, neither worked. Her toddler son was dirty, nappy looked heavy, no shoes on and he had to walk. I never felt like shaking a patient before, at the time I was struggling to get pregnant and it just broke my heart knowing my foster child could have experienced some of this."

— psycoMD

13. "I have a lot of stories. The one that sticks with me is the girl who was sick of being pregnant, so she tried to strip her own membranes to induce labor with a metal coat hanger. She developed significant choreoamnionitis and the baby was born septic and had to be flown to the nearest NICU an hour away. After she gave consent to some treatment over the phone because she was ill with infection, she asked me if "it" needed a blood transfusion would they test the blood so that "it" would not get an infection. I said that "it" was a baby boy, "it" was her son, and asked her if "it" had a name. Her husband showed up with his arm full of comic books, a sleeping bag and two bottles of Pepsi. He was camping out on the floor of her room, and I asked who was at the NICU with the baby. He looked at me with a blank stare and was like, how would a baby know the difference?"

"When his mom got there a few hours later (I was the night shift nurse and it was still my shift), that woman slapped her son upside the head and told him to go to the NICU now. That he should have dumped food on the floor, filled the bathtub with water and propped the back door open so the dog could go outside to pee. These were two pretty young parents but they had spent the entire pregnancy not really understanding that this was another person coming into the world. They really didn't think of the baby as if it were a human being. Just something making her fat and after she delivered something they had to deal with. But not important enough to stay with as he lay, possibly dying, in a critical care incubator. Sick because she was just "over" being pregnant, and thought that she could induce her own labor a little bit early without really thinking about how it would affect her infant. That's pretty much my first indicator of someone who shouldn't have been a parent, is when they call their baby "it."" — beautifulsouth00

14. "Family medicine clinic here, we had a woman from out of town bring her 5-year-old in. Kid's healthy enough, but they both STINK to high heaven. Like the smell lingered in the exam room after they left, for hours. Mom's feet and clothes are filthy. Turns out mom also needed medical care, because she was pregnant and had been having some vaginal bleeding. Mom has had TWO miscarriages in the last year, has had no prenatal care, already has 5 kids (only one or two with her) and is living in an old camping trailer with her boyfriend and kids. Boyfriend made her come to the doctor because of the bleeding—she didn't think it was a big deal! She was supposed to come in for a follow up but they left town the next week. They were traveling in the trailer and "wanted to let the kids decide where they stayed". I hope she's okay, but I'm doubtful."

— bocadellama

15. "How about the dad that kept calling his son a wimp. The baby was 800 grams (1.76lbs), and 26 weeks [old]."

— Ok-Pomegranate-5746

16. "I don't work in L&D, but both my living kids spent some time in NICU. The saddest thing to me was how few visitors there were in the NICU each time we went. It's a 50-bed NICU and often we were the only ones there. The first time I visited my youngest baby, when I was still inpatient, I didn't talk to anyone in the unit about it. I tried to walk out to the elevator in my hospital gown. I knew where the NICU was already. The lady at the desk yelled at me to come back and made me put my name down. I said "I'm just going to see my baby" and she said they had to keep track of moms coming and going, because they had had moms just leave and never come back, abandoning their babies."

— HighwaySetara

17. "I have had two different patients this year who showed, while still in the hospital, that they shouldn't have had their babies. Both of them threw fits that they were too tired to feed/take care of their babies and the nurses should. One asked what the nurses were there for if not to take care of the baby, because she didn't want to. The other one said she was too tired and didn't want to feed the baby. That one came to the ER at least once in the months after the baby arrived to say she was too tired to take care of the baby and they should watch him like they're a daycare center (and also recently needed a pregnancy test because she thought she might be pregnant again)."

— Kassiesaurus

18. "OB nurse. Honestly, I’ve only seen two and both had been previously convicted of non-accidental traumatic injury to their infants, one of which resulted in death. I think the only people who shouldn’t be parents are folks who don’t want kids or want to harm kids. Interestingly enough, that’s not always apparent until years later when kiddo isn’t a cute baby anymore. I’ve taken care of lots of parents with substance use issues. Lots of them would never want to hurt their baby. They beat themselves up knowing that their addiction resulted in pain for their child. And lots of folks literally don’t know that their actions can harm the baby. Poor health literacy is very real."

— lizzzdee

19. "Not the worst of the worst, but I was caring for a new mom who was planning to breastfeed. I offered to help her get the baby (only an hour or two old at this point) latched to try to feed. Mom said, “No thanks, I think I’ll start tomorrow so I can rest today.” I asked her if she wanted a bottle to feed to baby for now and she declined, saying she only wanted her baby to be breastfed by her. I had to explain to her that the baby couldn’t wait until tomorrow to be fed and she seemed genuinely surprised, like she could not wrap her head around the fact that the baby needed to be fed earlier than when she decides she’s ready? Again, not the worst by any means but left me a little nervous for the baby."

"Another time, I had a couple come in to have their first baby together. They each had kids from previous relationships but did not have custody of any of them, something they made sure we all knew. They kept saying that they were “gonna do it right this time!” Dad was excited to have two days of paternity leave from his job at Arby’s and mom was unemployed. They reeked of cigarettes and mom had tested positive for drugs (meth and fentanyl) and baby went straight to NICU for detox, so social services was already involved before they even left the hospital. I genuinely worried for that baby.

I also had a mom with several kids come in to deliver another one. She had a CPS case open but had been evading the courts. We had a case worker waiting on the unit for her on the day of her induction to take her current kids away and eventually take her newborn after delivery." — skycatcutie

20. "As NICU nurses we need to be there in every delivery specially on critical cases, we also always have to teach parents a few things after delivery such as how to feed their newborns (at least where I used to work), and always remind the parents that if they have questions relating to the babies to just come to us so we can help. I had a dad come up to us holding his newborn son with an innocent question at first, mostly about how to tell if his son has peed already. I was with a colleague at the station and just explained that some diapers have indicators outside, and if not then to just check the diaper if it’s wet. He then nodded and said thanks and followed it up by saying that he has been flicking his newborn son’s balls repeatedly to make the baby pee and has been wondering why the baby cries after instead of peeing."

"My colleague, who also stood in shock with me, responded with, “Well, do you flick your balls to pee? Wouldn't you also cry if I flicked your balls over and over?” And the dad just giggled and walked away." — vicryl-two

21. "A patient in labor was brought it to the hospital by her boyfriend because her water broke. The patient and the boyfriend both had a panic attack when we told them that they had to take an elevator up to the second floor because that's where our labor and delivery ward was. It turns out both of them are deathly afraid of heights/being off the ground floor. It took HOURS to convince the couple that they needed to come up to the second floor of the hospital so she could deliver her child."

— throwawayschowaway18

22. "When my son was in the NICU, the mom of the baby next to him would barge in, turn on the overhead lights (which were only supposed to be on for procedures) and knock on her baby’s incubator to wake them up."

— Faeidal

23. "Not an OB, I’m someone who gave birth. I heard another new mom in the same ward speak to her just born baby boy “shhh now, boys don’t cry” over and over. I could only imagine how that poor child will be brought up."

— Dexmoser

24. "I volunteer in a NICU. Recently a "dad" who refused to be on the birth certificate started arguing and being a dick. The baby was sleeping and he woke it up. The nurse said he handled baby roughly. They ended up having to ban him from the NICU. CPS was involved already, and hopefully they continue to be."

— trashcanpam

25. "During my OB rotation someone smoked crack in the bathroom while there for their ELEVENTH child. It was the father's 7th total, 2nd or 3rd with Smokey. She had actually tried to get fixed, but wasn't allowed to because she was in a program. Rough all around."

-Huggbees24

26. "I worked in an abortion clinic in the '90s and I remember a young woman who couldn't stay sober long enough to have the abortion she wanted. Fetal alcohol syndrome is more serious than people know. Sad."

— CherryBombO_O

27. "My mom worked the delivery room—often babies would get taken away because the mother would test positive for drugs. But the one that stuck in my memory was family members had stopped by the local Dairy Queen to get the baby a milkshake. They were shocked when the nurses said absolutely not!"

— Dobgirl

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE, which routes callers to their nearest sexual assault service provider.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline is available at 1-800-950-6264 and provides information and referral services. You can also explore therapist resources through GoodTherapy.org.